Southern Peru and almost Bolivia (Part 1)

Out of Peru and into Bolivia (almost)

A well-defined tourist trail exists from Cusco to Southeastern Peru that takes people from Cusco to Puno/Lake Titicaca and then to Arequipa, which is the base for Colca Canyon. When you get close to some of these places, you are obligated to go see the main attractions. After all, when am I going to be in Southern Peru again? The problem is, everyone tells you that [fill-in-the-place] is "amazing. The Dutch girl I was traveling with, Roos, and I look at each other and roll our eyes every time someone tells us that we "have to visit" someplace and/or that something is "amazing." Some people have to convince themselves that some things are amazing because they've traveled so far to see them. Some people really do believe that everything they see is amazing. Some people, like Roos and me, are just cynical and not as easily impressed. At least we don't lie to ourselves or others which is the nature of the cynic. So when someone asks me (or us) how some place is, we tell them that it is just ok, worth a visit, or, in rare cases, amazing.

Colca Canyon is Amazing

I had the guy at my hostel buy me a bus ticket for the 12 hour trip to Arequipa. Of course he told me that he would honor my wishes and get me a ticket on "the best" bus company. Fortunately he did. Except it was on the worst bus company. But this was Peru and everyone in Peru is going to steer you in the direction that makes them the most money, even if they know your bus is going to drive off a cliff. Mine didn't drive off a cliff but it was an interesting ride.
I like to ride in the top/front of the two-level buses down here to sit over the driver and look out at the countryside and craziness. The toothless attendant at the bus station was very nice and we talked for a long time about things, including my overall trip which she couldn't even fathom. The bus stations are very confusing and she assured me that she would get me on the right bus when it pulled in. Some non-Spanish speaking travelers in the bus station took advantage of my Spanish and my new friendship to make sure that they also were going to get on the correct bus amidst the chaos. Since I didn't know anything about the bus company chosen for me, I would check out every bus as it pulled into the station and say to myself "I hope it's not that one" or "that one isn't so bad." I saw a couple of buses pull in and I said "I hope it isn't that pink one." Just then my new toothless amiga said "este es tuyo." I thought "of course it is." The bus had an interesting aroma and a layer of something on the seats - sweat? food? dirt? oil? The guy next to me was pretty certain that the armrest and half of my seat belonged to him. It was about 97 degrees when we got on the bus (it would eventually plummet to 43 below zero) and across the aisle from us, a family of five occupied two seats. I actually thought it was a good strategy - buy the front of the bus and squeeze as many as you can on your side of the aisle. I'm not sure what they paid because I wasn't even sure what I paid. I know the guy at the hostel totally ripped me off. The bus pulls out of the station and you think you're leaving but the fun is just beginning. The bus makes several stops in town to pick up more passengers. For some of these passengers, it's a free for all and they run and fight for seats. Some of them seem to have reservations and calmly walk to seats. I do know that they all received serious discounts on their tickets.

I wasn't prepared for the first stop in Juliaca. For one thing, I had already passed through Juliaca once and knew it was a place I would never stop. Under any conditions. I had seen the town from the train but I still couldn't really entirely grasp the scale and craziness. We arrived at the "bus station" after driving down a bunch of alleys and side streets and dirt roads because half the streets seemed to be under construction or blocked by piles of rubble. The bus station is really just this insanely crowded street with bus company offices where buses park and pick up passengers. When we stopped and the driver opened the door, the bus was instantly under a full frontal assault by food vendors. They were selling trout, empenadas, jell-o, bread, big rounds of cheese, soft drinks. There must have been 25 of them and they were mowing down passengers who were trying to get off the bus. I stood up to get off the bus and the lady across the aisle (of the party of five in two seats) told me not to, that it wasn't safe for me outside. I was hungry and I wanted to get away from the smell of fried trout mixed with dirty bus and poor hygiene. In the end, I took her advice and just bought a coke from one the vendors on the bus. I didn't really want to take a chance with the bus or street food and give myself the shits on a bus with no bathroom for ten hours (even though the guy who bought my ticket told me it had a bathroom). Ater a few minutes in the station it appeared that we were about to leave and a bit of an argument starts behind me. It seems that the bus company has double-booked a seat and the guy who just got on the bus is trying to get the seat from the guy who has been sitting in it. The guy sitting in it is telling the dude that he's not moving and he should take it up with the bus company. Seeing the technology they use (i.e. none), I can't believe this doesn't happen all the time. How did they even know I was sitting in my seat and/or on the bus? Anyway, the driver's assistant goes back and gets the guy to leave the bus. They start pushing and shoving and the guy from the bus company sprays mustard in the would-be passenger's face (now that's customer service) and the guy starts chasing him around the bus. The assistant starts pounding on the bus to get the driver to start going. The bus starts to drive down the crazy, insane, crowded street with the door open and the assistant guy jumps in while fighting the mustard face guy off, Indiana Jones style. He eventually succeeds in knocking the guy off the bus and all the while I appear to be the only person shocked or entertained by any of this. I'm looking around with that "are you seeing what I'm seeing" look on my face but all the Peruvians have their usual faces of stone, looking very disinterested.

The bus ride was pretty uneventful for the next ten hours although we would stop in the middle of nowhere to add or drop off passengers with the vendors boarding and selling food or whatever. We did make one "bathroom" stop that was a little bit unexpected. The bus pulled over and everyone seemed to know this was the bathroom stop. I walked off the bus (we were in the middle of nowhere) and started to wander off into the rocks but there were people dropping deuces ten feet from the bus and I noticed that, uh, many buses must stop in the same area and decided that I was not going to walk off into that minefield. So I just walked around the bus and basically went in the road. And then got back on the bus as quickly as I could because I didn't want to see any more of what I had already seen. Spealing of vendors, this guy got on our bus at the turd stop. I'm not sure where he came from or how he got there. This is a cold, dry, windy, desolate place. I think he hops on buses and rides them one way and then rides them back, selling his product. Not sure why he chose this particular spot of all spots but I'm sure he has his reasons. As for his product, it was some kind of powder that I heard him say cures the following: rheumatism, arthritis, gastritis, heart disease, diabetes, impotence, hair loss, (some cases of) cancer, constipation, diarhea, and insomnia. The guy talked for 30 minutes and then something incredible happened - half the bus bought the shit. And these are poor people because this is a crappy bus. The guy across the aisle asked me what I thought. I told him that anything that claims to cure everything probably cures nothing. He told me that he hadn't really thought about it that way but he was thinking about buying some for his "gastritis." I have foiund that every stomach problem in Latin America is diagnosed as gastritis. I can't believe how many people I have heard say they have gastritis. Especially considering that I have never met anyone in the US with this common Latin American affliction. Having been cured of an ulcer myself and knowing the symptoms, I think most of these people have ulcers and most ulcers are caused by a bacteria and easily cured. I convinced him to save his money and to try and find a doctor who is aware of this cause/cure and see if antibiotics can fix the problem. Hopefully I helped the guy out.

Arequipa and Colca Canyon...